Although it’s painful to consider, it’s likely that there are more lies than truths in the modern world. Most people lie because they’re insecure or overly self-centered. Dispositions that certainly aren’t aided by the fact that a less-than-well-intentioned capitalist society aims to degrade our self worth, so that we become dependent on spending in the system to feel good about ourselves. In fact, the very existence of ‘retail therapy’ highlights how people cover up their insecurity by spending-- playing right into the hands of the capitalist overlords.

When people lie, they’re simply saying- ‘the truth doesn’t serve me, so I’m going to speak something into existence that serves me better.’ As it turns out, people get away with most of their lies, since truth is the default assumption for humans. In a way, people who lie are abusing that default truth assumption for their own gain, which should hardly come as a surprise in this self-centered world.

Unfortunately, the pervasiveness of lying has serious implications for relationships, especially serious relationships that hope to span decades. While a life-long relationship is even daunting at the conceptual level, it feels almost impossible without being able to build and maintain trust. For most people, lying not only prevents trust but destroys it. Then, in a world full of insecure liars, how do we hope to build trust, particularly for important life-long relationships? The answer is far from simple, but there are several techniques that can work together for a fruitful strategy.

One technique for building trust is to mirror your partner. Mirroring implies trust by basically saying ‘I trust this person enough make the same choices they do.’ Further, any intentional sameness, especially when it’s visual, communicates a sense of team and togetherness to the outside world. You can picture a couple with the same exact shoes or coat, and they always feel more together than a couple who hasn’t bothered to match each other.

There’s a flattering feeling that comes with someone choosing to mirror you, particularly when they just do it and don’t say anything about it. Beyond the flattery, there’s a ton to learn from what someone chooses to mirror. Principally, you learn what they find valuable and important. For instance, someone who chooses to mirror their (prospective) partner’s shoes and clothes, shows that they spend time thinking about those items and hold them in high importance.

It’s much harder to obfuscate what’s at the top of someone’s conscious (and certainly subconscious) mind. While someone may say they think sleep and working out are super important, if they prioritize mirroring something material, then their true preferences become clear. Similarly, if one person knows that certain spiritual beliefs are of central importance to the other person, but they choose to instead prioritize material mirroring, then it communicates that they either don’t agree with the spiritual beliefs of the other person, or their focus on materialism stands out as more important.

It turns out that mirroring generally has more truthfulness than verbal communication, so it can also be more revealing. In general, actions are more revealing than words, but often times less precise, so it may take a decent amount of thought to uncover what a partner means by mirroring. Regardless, anything that represents more truth and love than deceit and self-centeredness is a productive formula for a relationship.